Monthly Archives: January 2014

All You Need Is… Love?

So far, this blog has served as my commentary on the ridiculousness of online dating.  But I figure, now’s the time to take things to the next level.  Now is the time to start pulling out my AP Statistics skills.  You were warned. And yet, you’re continuing on anyway…

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Don’t I Know You?

Online dating is awkward.  As the world’s most awkward person, I should know.  But there is one thing more awkward than the awkwardness of online dating.

Seeing someone you actually know on an online dating site.

Ohhh… so awkward. How awkward is it??

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Tyler, Tyler, Tyler…

If you’re new to the blog, you’re going to need to do a small amount of catching up before diving in to this post.

Everyone signed? Yes. Good. On we go!

I want to start with the sheer number of people who have reached out to me after I started this project.  I absolutely love it.  It’s been so amazing to hear all of your stories, so please keep sending them along. So what’s this all about?

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Congratulations! You’re not ugly…

Today, I got an e-mail from OK Cupid.  It said this:


Now, for most girls, this would probably be a huge compliment.  But I think by this point we can all agree I don’t really fit in the “most girls” category.

So what next?

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Why don’t we….

You’ve done it!

You made it through the laborious communication process.  For weeks, you passed back and forth the internet’s equivalent of high school paper football notes.  Your heart gets that little flutter when you see their name pop into your inbox, telling you the Mr. sent you a new message.

You’ve spent hours carefully crafting communication, diligently detailing the deepest depths of your desires.  You know all about his favorite movies and music.  You’ve compared notes on your educational backgrounds, family values, political and religious beliefs.  This guy is checking off the boxes one by one.  And then he asks you out!!!  Oh em gee. Tell me more, tell me more!

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You’re sweet, but…

When you sign up to join the magical world of online dating, there’s a ton of questions you have to answer.  One of them is how far away you’re willing to travel to meet Mr. Wonderful.

Now, as a rule of thumb, I refuse to cross state lines with the sole purpose of meeting the love of my life.  There must be some man worth dating in the state of Maryland.  I get that it’s not a huge state, but there must be someone worthwhile.

So when eHarmony completely stopped matching me with people in the old line state, it was pretty depressing.  Even if you talk with these people online, it’s like, “oh,  you want to get a cup of coffee with me?  Sure! Can we meet in the middle?  Okay, see you in two hours.”

No, thank you. More to come…

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Thank you, thank you, thank you!!


The Ultimatum

Let’s begin with a little bit of history.

I signed up for eHarmony in March of 2013.  Within a week, I had met someone who I dated for the next few months.  We broke up in July and about a month later I decided to dive back in to online dating.

And this was when it all went south.

Dun Dun Dunnnn…

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Let’s Talk About It

Ok, it’s finally time for the long awaited post on e-harmony’s exceptionally laborious communication system.  Stick with me here, because this post will pertain to a lot of future posts (and, as you’ve noticed, I’ve already talked about it in my first three posts without even explaining what it is.  Bad, Carin.)

So someone catches your eye on e-harmony.  You think, “hey, that guy’s pretty cute.  Plus he has the exact hair color I’m looking for in a boyfriend, and he loves guacamole!” (or whatever regular people think when they look at someone’s profile), and you decide to message him.  Could this be a simple and easy way to meet the person you could spend the rest of your life with?!

Of course not.

You think that’s the end!? There’s more…

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I See You

I can only imagine the rise of online dating came about because meeting people is impossible today.  My friends in significant, long-term relationships right now have met their man/woman in three ways:

  1. In school.  Now, this could be high school, college, grad school… but it just has to be school.  They could have met each other in an academic/social club or in a class.  Maybe at the library.  Really, just on a campus of some sort.
  2. Their friends introduced them.  Now usually this means they were friends with someone who was friends with their boy/girlfriend-to-be, and both parties met at a… well… party.  They hit it off.  Sparks flew.  You know the rest.
  3. Somewhere totally fucking random.  Usually bars.  I know one couple that met in line at Subway.  I have a friend who met his current girlfriend at (as I understand it) a transvestite parade.  Seriously.

So if you’ve graduated from school, have already begged your friends to set you up (and come up short), and you’re not prepared to find your straight mate at a gay club… where do you  meet people? Don’t stop there! Keep reading…

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