The simplest of greetings

I have paid to be on both e-harmony and match.  I really like it (I mean, not the paying part…) because everyone I talk to has shelled out a pretty significant amount of money to be on e-harmony and match, so I assume there’s a certain amount of commitment and seriousness to the dating cause here.  And also I know these people probably have some sort of career or way to make money.  Hopefully.

But earlier this week I decided to dive into OK Cupid.  Oh… boy.

Most of you know OKC is basically free.  There are services you can pay for, but for all intents and purposes, it’s fo’ free.

So as I briefly mentioned in my previous post, e-harmony has this whole communication process you go through (it’s a very laborious and kind of hilarious four step process that I’ll break down in another post).  But on match, you can just message the person right away.  OKC, too.

On match, if you see a special someone who catches your eye, you might shoot them a message such as: “hey, my name is (insert name here) and I noticed (x) about you. We have (y) in common and here’s a little bit about me: (blah blah blah).  Hope to hear from you soon.” (Romantic, huh?)  Now I don’t think I’m off base here because I’ve received a fair number of messages with this general layout.


On OKC, I get so many messages that just say “hi.”

That’s it.


That is the online dating equivalent of this gem:

So… what am I supposed to do with this, person? I don’t know who you are.  On OKC you only have usernames, so I don’t even know your name. I don’t know anything about you. I don’t know what you’re looking for. I don’t know why you’re messaging me.  All I know is you know the abbreviated form of “hello.” And that you know how to press the “send message” button.  That’s really the extent of what I’ve gotten from this communication.  And there’s a .02% chance I’m going to message you back because (a) what’s the allure? You’ve given me no incentive, no conversation starters, no interesting thoughts, and piqued my interest… not at all, and (b) what would I respond with? “hello”? No, that’s clearly too pretentious. “Hi back”?

You know who says “hi”? Random people you pass on the street and you accidentally catch their eye.  Or like the gum chewing, hair twirling cashier at the grocery store. “Hi” is not something I would say to someone I’m trying to date.

Maybe you could try affixing a “how are you?” But that’s probably moving too fast.  Let’s take it easy here, people.

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4 thoughts on “The simplest of greetings

  1. Keri Cockey says:

    This is hysterical! I used e harmony and match briefly myself!

  2. […] delicious”?? What a freaking creepy thing to say to someone you’ve never met.  Look, I get I complained about “hi,” but at least that’s something that normal people say.  I think it’s great he tried to […]

  3. […] ask for a detailed letter. Maybe that’s why so many guys just send me a message that says “hi.” Maybe it’s because I wasn’t specific enough in what I wanted them to say if they […]

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