I can only imagine the rise of online dating came about because meeting people is impossible today. My friends in significant, long-term relationships right now have met their man/woman in three ways:
- In school. Now, this could be high school, college, grad school… but it just has to be school. They could have met each other in an academic/social club or in a class. Maybe at the library. Really, just on a campus of some sort.
- Their friends introduced them. Now usually this means they were friends with someone who was friends with their boy/girlfriend-to-be, and both parties met at a… well… party. They hit it off. Sparks flew. You know the rest.
- Somewhere totally fucking random. Usually bars. I know one couple that met in line at Subway. I have a friend who met his current girlfriend at (as I understand it) a transvestite parade. Seriously.
So if you’ve graduated from school, have already begged your friends to set you up (and come up short), and you’re not prepared to find your straight mate at a gay club… where do you meet people?
On the interwebs.
Now one thing that we should all know about the internet, but no one actually does seem to know about the internet, is it’s not really a private thing. Basically, if you post it, you should expect someone will see it. Kind of like how you fine people are all sharing in my misery via this blog post.
So when it comes to online dating, it’s no surprise that it’s a pretty open book. That’s the point. It’s how you’re meant to meet people. But here’s the hitch — people don’t think about the fact that it is an open book. And the way you can tell this most is through the “who’s viewed me” page.
All online dating sites (that I’ve seen) have them. It’s a way to check out who’s checking you out. Sometimes it’s cool and sometimes it’s totally creepy or depressing. And I want to dive into one of these instances.
There is a fellow on e-harmony who sent me a request to begin this as-of-yet fabled communication hurdle event (I promise… I’ll do a post about it soon). His name is Tim. Now, I was thinking of making up a name, but honestly.. if I said “his name is Mark” we’d be in about the same place as if I said his name is Tim. Which I just said.
Now, Tim and I went through the first two rounds of the communication process and then I sent him some questions. He didn’t answer. I prodded him a bit. Still no answer. And keep in mind, he asked me to begin communication in the first place. But okay, no problem, the guy didn’t like something he saw, the world keeps turning and we move on.
But it seems Tim did not move on.
In fact, it seems that Tim still views my profile with a somewhat surprising amount of frequency…
…which sort of alarms me because he doesn’t actually want to talk to me. He just wants to view my profile. And rest assured, my pictures are in no way provocative or exciting (although I do think they’re nice pictures). And as you can see, he isn’t just viewing my profile on e-harmony, but he’s found me on match and has also viewed my match profile!!!
I don’t really know what to do with this information other than to say Tim… cool it bro.