Tyler, Tyler, Tyler…

If you’re new to the blog, you’re going to need to do a small amount of catching up before diving in to this post.

Everyone signed? Yes. Good. On we go!

I want to start with the sheer number of people who have reached out to me after I started this project.  I absolutely love it.  It’s been so amazing to hear all of your stories, so please keep sending them along.

I’ve had a few people tell me about how they met the love of their life on online dating.  This does give me a small amount of hope, although I like to think of them as the exception to the rule.  I’m going to re-visit this topic in another post, because I think we could all stand to hear some success stories rather than my inane babbling about the horrors of the interwebs.

I’ve received messages from a friend who decided to dive into online dating for himself after reading my blog.  It’s so cool to hear that I could have such an impact on someone’s life.  Although I’m a little concerned about this friend, because has he not actually been reading this blog?  I think you’re missing the point here, buddy.  This blog is about how awful online dating is.  But… God speed. (Totally kidding, I’m super stoked for you).

And then… I got a message from my friend Meghan.

Oh, Meghan.

Meghan reached out to me on Facebook.  All the message said is “Well this looks strangely familiar….” with a photo attached.  Here’s the photo…


Look familiar?

Now if you didn’t heed my advice and decided, “nah, I don’t need to read that other stupid post,” then this might not make sense to  you.  But, in short, I received this exact same message on Ok Cupid from Tyler.  I thought it was sweet.  I thought wrong.

This message has been like the small glimmer of sweet people on Ok Cupid.  This message was the, “well, they’re not all crazy/assholes/rude/inappropriate/glib.”  And this total betrayal of my softening heart made me feel like this… (really, I’ve just wanted an excuse to post this video for a while, because Entourage is an epic show.  Also, the pertinent part is really :33-:48.  And small warning: NSFW, lots of bad language)

My friend Silas came to visit Baltimore from out of town last night and we went out to dinner to catch up.  Silas will soon have his PhD and has been applying for jobs.  So we were talking about this whole process and he told me he has applied for eighty jobs so far.  Eighty.  As in, eight-zero.  I couldn’t believe it.  I’ve only applied to like ten jobs in my entire life.  But Silas said something really interesting to me — he said, ‘well it’s pretty easy to apply to a bunch of places. There’s an online system where you fill out the information once and then you can send it to lots of openings.’ (I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist.)

And this got me thinking — maybe Tyler has really cornered the market here.  He’s drafted this sweet, heartfelt message and just sends it out to everyone.  Does he really think I’m pretty?  Who knows.  Did he actually look at my profile? Survey says, probably not.  But by sending out tons of messages to tons of girls, somebody’s bound to bite.  And really, what are the odds you’d get caught?  Girls don’t talk with each other on Ok Cupid.  The poor schmuck just never saw my blog coming.

So maybe we should all give Tyler props.  The kid is the crop duster of online dating.  He’s spreading a little love around and hoping something springs up.

It’s like the people who send Ok Cupid messages soliciting sex.  Whenever I get one, I think, “does this ever work?!” But it MUST!  If you send out 100 messages, maybe one person will write back and say, “eh, okay.”  That person is most definitely absolutely not me, but isn’t this the entire premise of Tinder?  Which again, is another rant for another day because that shit is just bananas, right Gwen Stefani?

Just think, if Tyler sends out eighty messages, some girl will probably write back.  His problem is, this girl wrote back:


Sorry Tyler — sorry you got caught.  Maybe if you actually want to date someone, you’d put in a little more thought.  Personalize it.  Make her think you actually give two shits.

This all being said, though — I did think Tyler gave two shits before I heard from Meghan, and how often does that happen??  So maybe we all stand to learn a thing or two from Tyler.  I actually do have to give you the slow clap for your ingenuity.  Bravo, Tyler from Houston. Bravo.

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4 thoughts on “Tyler, Tyler, Tyler…

  1. Alex says:

    But this is the fundamental problem with online dating, I think.

    I’ve read that women tend to get roughly 20-30 times more messages than guys do, so I can understand why you wouldn’t respond to every one of them–it would practically be a full-time job in itself.

    On the other hand, it can be really soul-crushing from our perspective to spend significant time writing original, thought-out messages where you actually try to respond to things from their profile that you have in common, and then you get nothing but radio silence–not even a “no thank you.” So I can understand why guys would adopt this tactic just to preserve their sanity.

    And like you said, it almost worked (except for the fact that he was 1,500 miles away from you.)

    Personally, I had too much pride to even use this tactic to game the system with Match’s “Six Month Guarantee,” let alone to actually try to get a response that way. I should probably be more upset at the guys who do this, since they’re the ones that are gumming up your inboxes and making it less likely that we’ll get a response… but somehow I actually sympathize with them… at least a little bit.

    • Carin says:

      It’s true, girls get bombarded with messages and that does muddy the waters for others, but a vast number of those are people just saying “hi,” as I mention in a previous post.

      I will say, writing thoughtful messages to no response is not just a male problem. I have written a number of messages to men and never heard back. It’s just a product of online dating. And frankly, I’m guilty of it — especially when guys send me messages that I know they worked on, but they obviously have only themselves in mind. They “tailor” the message for me, but it’s clear they’re ignoring the things in my profile they don’t like, and we’re not a good match. It’s nothing personal, but if I’ve never talked to someone, I don’t feel as much responsibility to respond.

      Now I did say Tyler’s tactic almost worked, but really it just worked in making me feel good.

      But when you think about it, this is dating in general. Go up to a girl in a bar and she could give you the cold shoulder. Is getting no response online better or worse?

      Anyway, sorry for the long response! Thanks for reading Alex.

  2. Ash says:

    It took me a while to realize that Tyler was Houston Tyler, man what a joke!

    • Carin says:

      Haha yes, that’s why I linked to my former blog post about the guy 🙂 It turns out that after I messaged Tyler back, he actually deactivated his profile. Whoops…

      Thanks for reading Ash!

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