Monthly Archives: February 2014

One of these things is not like the other…

When we were growing up, our moms told us we were precious jewels. Grains of sand, or snowflakes — completely unique and unlike anything that has ever come before it.  Nothing will measure up to our beauty, our intellect, our wit. We are magnificent, wonderful, amazing people who are completely our own.

Then came along online dating, which tells you you’re exactly like everyone else.

This is how I know: How? How do you know?

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The Ugly Duck Theory

I have no clue what makes us attracted to the people we find ourselves attracted to.  I’m sure there must be studies, but to me, it’s a total mystery.  Why, for example, are all my friends super stoked about Adam Levine (who I think is a total dud), and instead I’m all gaga over this idiot:

Matthew Gray Gubler

Matthew Gray Gubler

That’s right — Dr. Reid from Criminal Minds.  Every little nerdy, socially awkward, gangly, uncomfortable bit of him.

So as I delve into the world of online dating, I started to ask myself why I still respond to messages from hunky, muscly guys who take shirtless pictures of themselves in all their tattooed glory.  And I came up with a theory.

But first… let’s rewind.

Are you Quentin Tarentino-ing this?

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You’re beautiful, it’s true…

In online dating, it’s often assumed that you actually want to see what the person looks like. Silly concept, right?  But this is why when I see that terrifying grayed out silhouette of a man’s profile appear next to the name John or Gary or Charizard, I delete it. Immediately (if not sooner). I don’t know what this person looks like. What are you hiding from me?  What do you have going on that I don’t know about?

So pictures — very important. They say a lot about you.

For instance, if a guy pretty much exclusively has selfies of himself, I think, “dude, why don’t you have any friends who could take a picture of you?”

If a guy has a bunch of pictures where he’s showing off his abs, or he’s shirtless, or he’s flexing, I think, “great, you’re a self-obsessed meat-head who is going to give me a hard time when I’m eating my third pint of Haagen Dazs Peanut Butter Pie.” Are there more types of pictures? You betcha!

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It’s HERE!!!

Okay, I’ve been telling you for a while this has been coming, and finally… the day has arrived! I’m starting a video series called, “What if Online Dating Messages Were Real Life Pick Up  Lines?”

And without any further ado — I’m SO proud to present the first installment!!

With special thanks to Bronx and Lauren for their help 🙂  And many more to come…

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The Elephant In The Room

Over the past 12 days, I have received multiple e-mails, Facebook messages, and carrier pigeons all presenting me with the same link.  It’s a link to another blog post that talks about online dating.  Now c’mon people, don’t you know you should only be reading my blog about online dating? Sheesh!

But given the sheer number of you who clearly want me to discuss this article, I thought it was fine time that I give the people what they want.  So without any further ado… Go on…

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