eHarmony vs. Match vs. OK Cupid: A Face-off

If you’re a reader of my blog, you know I dabble in three main online dating sites: eHarmony, Match, and OK Cupid.

And while they’re all websites for dating online (see what I did there?), all online dating sites are NOT created equal.

So if you’re taking the plunge, then continue forward, because this is priceless insight and copious quantities of invaluable information.  What really is the difference between these online dating sites?

eHarmony

You’ve probably heard about eHarmony from those commercials on TV.  You know the ones. They have the beautiful people who logged onto the website and miraculously found love!  They’ve been together 80 years now, since before the internet even existed and eHarmony was all done on paper! They are still married all these years later and they’re SO happy. Eternally, forever, happy and in love. SO much love. And happiness.

Here’s an example — but I have to admit. I got bored half way through watching it and had to turn it off…

So the one thing that does set eHarmony apart is the longest, dullest, most life-sucking questionnaire of all time. Here’s what kills me: it takes FOREVER, but like, your entire love life is riding on it.  So I really want to be serious about it, but when I’ve spent the same amount of time filling out my likes and dislikes as I could have spent watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother, I start to lose focus. And then I get sloppy. And then I get set up with Barneys instead of Teds. Although I am Robin, so I guess I need a Barney. eHarmony, you know me so well.

But the point is, you fill out this CRAZY long form explaining how you feel about things (another post on this topic to be filed at a later date…) and guys do the same, and then you get put together with your perfect man.

Now eHarmony is a site you have to pay for. And by this, I mean you get a “free trial!!!” and then all of a sudden you’ve dropped two hundred big ones on an online dating profile that you filled out drunk with your friends. Not that I ever did this. Never. (Just kidding, I actually never did do that. Or did I…?)

So since we all know I like analogies, here it is….

eHarmony: asking your bestiest best friend to set you up on a date. They put a lot of thought into it. They consider the guys they know, that guy’s likes and dislikes, how compatible you would be together, and then your friend presents you with this man who checks all the boxes and you stare lazily into his dreamy, dreamy eyes.  Cue music…

Match.com

Match is also a “pay” website where you have to shell out your hard earned cash in hopes of finding a stranger who will meet you for coffee and who may or may not ditch you while you’re in the bathroom.  Now Match and eHarmony are the two major pay sites, and I kind of like that because it weeds out a lot of the weirdos.  Here’s what I can glean from finding a guy on Match or eHarmony:

  • He’s actually, seriously looking for love and not just a booty call (because he’s willing to invest money to look)
  • He has a job.

Now, Match also has a series of commercials on TV.  These are the ones where Jack and Jill meet at a swanky bar/restaurant on their first date.  And then there’s another one where Harry and Sally meet at a hip club/lounge on their first date. And they’re so excited to be on a first date. Because nothing about a real first date says “terrifying” or “what if this guy is a creep?” or “omigosh I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.”  First dates are GREEEATTTT!!!

Match has more first dates than anyone! First… dates…

They also claim to have more relationships and marriages than anyone, but I’m pretty sure they all claim that. So I’d love to see their data.

Now, Match really just asks for your money and your zip code, and then displays a wide array of gentlemen who live near you and says “Here is a smorgasbord of men! Go for it!”  It’s your responsibility to sift through, weed out, and click, click, click. Match really just presents you the opportunity. It’s your job to do the rest.

So, in analogies….

Match: asking an acquaintance to set you up on a date. They look at their pool of friends and say, “hey, Alex lives kind of close to Carin. Maybe they’ll work out.” And then they present the guy to you and you’re really stoked, but really… Alex turns out to be kind of an idiot and you move on.  But at least you had a first date…

OK Cupid

OK Cupid has no commercials. You don’t have to pay. You don’t get thoughtfully matched and you don’t necessarily even get guys near you.  OK Cupid just catapults men at you and hopes one sticks. It’s a barrage of creepy, creepy men who are lonely and horny and have no personal boundaries. It’s a horror show. Seriously. Horrific.

OK Cupid: Asking the random homeless man at MLK & Pratt Street to set you up. And he says, “well, hey! I’m free!”

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3 thoughts on “eHarmony vs. Match vs. OK Cupid: A Face-off

  1. cmorrell2014 says:

    You always have me laughing so hard I cry! Great!

  2. DLM says:

    I started out with OKCupid and Match, finally dumped OKCupid because, well, yeah, the creepies keep emailing me. They’re 20 years older, live 1000 miles away and the only words they know are “hey sexy” — several months of that and I’d had enough. Account deleted.

    Added eHarmony to the mix, however. Spent 3 weeks filling out the questionnaire. Wanted to get that done BEFORE I paid. But now I’m fully on it as well as Match.

    But no more OKCupid. It’s … just … creepy.

  3. […] loyal readers know, I joined online dating back in March of 2013. It all started with eHarmony followed by Match and OK Cupid, and it actually all started really […]

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