If you want to get married, I’m the girl you should probably date.
Just don’t expect me to be your wife.
The conversation came about when I was having dinner with one of my best friends Thursday night. We were talking about some of my most recent ex-boyfriends and what they’re doing now.
Let’s get back to that in a moment.
There’s two different ways of thinking about dating as far as I’m concerned. For some, it’s a fun way to spend time, a built-in person to go to the movies with, and so your friends who are dating will invite you on double dates and not completely shun you for your single-ness, which is like a horrible, infectious, deadly disease. Others are looking for “the one,” hoping to find a man (or woman) to settle down with, get married, and spend the rest of their lives in wedded bliss. Which could never end badly. Not, say, 50% of the time. Definitely not.
So when it comes to online dating, it’s difficult but important to weed out the ‘let’s just chill’ guys from the ‘I already have a ring picked out’ guys. And they’re both terrifying. So finding that perfect balance is key.
The first kind of guy is the one who likes having you around when it’s convenient for him. He wants someone to go see the new Transformers movie on a Friday night, but not to pester him when he wants to go play poker with the boys. He’s the guy whose online dating profile says he’s looking for a “short term” relationship, and is looking for girls who are “easy going” and “like to have fun.”
Here’s a hint: easy going girls are a myth. Even girls who are generally relaxed are going to have certain things that piss them off. Because that’s how humans work. It really annoys me the number of guys who say they don’t want a girl with any drama. Have you met anyone in the human race? There’s an entire show called Baggage about all the drama that women and men bring to relationships. It’s a hilarious, but completely horrifying show, where people reveal things like “I clear my mind by hanging myself from meat hooks” and “I cry every day.” Dating is scary, people.
But I digress…
Then there’s the guys who I like to call the Romcom men. These are the ones who saw one too many chick flicks and took their cues from the leading men. And while on the big screen, romantic movies are super adorable, in real life it is horrifying. Here’s why:
- Romcom men will chase after you down the street
- Romcom men will do whatever it takes to find out where you live or get your number
- Romcom men won’t take “no” for an answer, and will make grand gestures to date you
- On the same note, when you break up with a Romcom man, he’ll stand outside your house blasting Peter Gabriel from a boombox
- Romcom men will show up at your place of work and insist you leave work to spend the day with him
- Romcom men will beat up other men to defend your honor, even if you’re not dating him
When you’re watching the movie, it seems sweet. But in the list above… it sounds an awful lot like a stalker. And this is what guys have come to think is sweet and romantic. Stalking women, following them around, insisting they must date them, and in fact that the man deserves to date her just because he wants to. Go to any club and just wait a minute. At least 3 super creeps will approach you and think they’re being smooth and romantic. Seriously. Like… seriously.
So you have to try to find a blend of these men, which is the trick. Me? I tend to accidentally date Romcom men in disguise. They start as sweet, fun, smart men. Then I come to realize after a few months that they’re already planning our wedding’s color scheme and seating plans. So I cut and run.
Here’s where I come full circle:
I came to realize while at dinner with Jenna that nearly all of my ex-boyfriends met the woman they would marry within months of our break-up, despite the shed tears and claims that I was “the one” and they’d never love again. I’d safely say 60% of my exes have married (or I expect will marry) the person they met immediately after things ended between us.
So first of all — what does that say about me? Like a mechanic, I like to think I just fine tuned them a bit and then sent them into the world all shiny and new for another woman to take home. The car just wasn’t my kind of ride.
And a man who is guy #1 for years can suddenly become guy #2, according to wisdom by Miranda. Plus it keeps with the car analogy…
So am I the last fare before the light turns on? Am I the final passenger who sends them on their merry way, ready to finally drive off into the sunset?
When it comes to online dating, the guys who say they’re ready to settle down and get married seem almost scarier than the ones who say they only want to casually date. There aren’t that many answers to choose from, but none of the options seem like good ones.
So when it comes down to it, maybe I need a “let’s just split a cab” kind of guy. The kind of guy whose light isn’t off or on, but who is just prepared to take a ride and see where the cab drops us off.