A light in the storm

Most of the time, life is a complete crapstorm. You’re late for work, your dog ran away, you accidentally spill your coffee all over a stranger, you piss off your friend by telling her that her shoes don’t match her dress.

So I think it’s important to find the hilarity in life. And what is more hilarious than online dating?

I get messages on OK Cupid all the time, which is obviously great fodder when you have an online dating blog. But some messages are indeed better than others. Some messages are confusing or strange. Some messages are too good not to share because of the hilarity that ensues. And some messages are just plain weird.

Pick Up Lines

We’ve all heard them – “did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” “you must be a library book because I’m checking you out!” “Are you tired from running through my head all day?”

Cheesy pick up lines. They’re the sugar cookies of the dessert section. You might roll your eyes when someone says they’re bringing sugar cookies to a party because there are so many OTHER delicious cookies out there… gingerbread, peanut butter, snickerdoodles. But when you really start to consume them, you remember just how delightful they are. They can have sprinkles or icing. They can be paper thin or thick and chewy. They can be a little too sweet for your taste, but you can’t help but smile when one comes across your plate.

So I don’t get a lot of cheesy pick up lines, but every once in a while I get a gem.

img1It’s a shame that this young man has since deleted his user profile. I can only imagine that some other young lady was privy to the same wonderful pick up line and was instantly swept off her feet. Now, they are probably living a long and happy life together, taking tons of selfies.

As a side note, this pick up line would be so much better if he was a photographer. It would be genius – how could you argue with that logic when he literally professionally takes pictures of things. Of course I’d have to be with him. He can professionally see the two of us together. And who am I to argue with professionalism?

The Taylor Swift

Why that headline? Because “I knew you were trouble when you walked in.”

They say girls like a bad boy, but it seems this stereotype goes both ways. How do I know this? The sheer number of messages I get declaring my presumed mischievousness. Here are two just from the last month:

img3img4What’s interesting about both of these messages is that they start with a compliment – nice smiles, easy on the eyes – and then goes on to say that they can tell or bet that I’m trouble. Is this some sort of unwritten rule? It sounds like one of Barney’s rules, doesn’t it? “Isolate her from her friends; Repeat her name in conversation; Subtly put her down.”

Not quite sure what about my profile would lead someone to believe in my inevitable troublesomeness. Is it the picture of me wearing a chicken hat? The fact that I like to sing in the car? Or maybe it’s that I’ve beat the game 2048. (Boy, it’s really shocking that the guys aren’t lining up to date me, isn’t it?)

So I started wondering, why do men like to speculate about my clearly very troublesome nature? Are they hoping, much like Taio Cruz, that I’m only gonna break break ya break break ya heart? Are they hoping to be lying on the cold hard ground like T-Swift?

It seems I often hear men lamenting the fact that girls never want to date nice guys (a topic I don’t even want to touch with a jousting lance right now), but it seems men want the Olly Murs girl:

I mean, these guys know I’m no good, but I’m stuck in their brain. You know?

So why the double standard guys? Why are you searching for an Amanda Bynes when you should be on the lookout for an Amanda Seyfried.

The… huh??

And then there’s those messages where you just think, what!? I get one of these every few months and have been working towards filming them in my continuing video series… if only I can find the time and willing participants.

Anyway, I’ve been storing a bunch of these up and don’t want to give anything away, but I got this gem over the weekend and had to share:

img2What better way is there for a man to hook a young lady 20 years his junior than by wooing her with super subtle flattery. I mean, tell me what you REALLY think about me? We’re a 91% match, so clearly we’re meant to be. But how do I know if whether he thinks I’m pretty or smart or, say, majestic?

Oh, wait.

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