Over the past several months, I’ve done a lot of coming and going. I’ve made random posts and made lots of excuses and apologies. I’ve tried (poorly) to explain that I disappeared for a variety of reasons and made a lot of (unfulfilled) promises that I would once again post more regularly. But this is the no bullshit post where I really explain where I’ve gone and why I haven’t posted regularly. And it’s one very simple reason: I haven’t been dating. And the truth of the matter is, it’s very difficult to keep up a dating blog when you’re not dating.
I didn’t just want to leave it at that, though. You guys deserve more. I continue to be in awe of the love and support I get from my faithful readers — people who I’ve never met and will probably never know, as well as people who care for me and have held my hand through every step of the journey. A lot of this realization came about when I got an email a few weeks ago from just such a reader — a young man who lives in South America who, somehow, came across this blog and found something worthwhile in its pages and posts. This young man did something a lot of my readers did, something that continues to shock me, something that I can’t help but find to be so hilarious for my readers to do: he joined online dating.
I’m always blown away when people tell me I’ve “inspired” them to join online dating. I want to say, “have you actually read my blog?” I feel like every post is a why not to join online dating, with it’s creepy guys and its awkward adventures. Saying that my blog inspired you to join online dating is like saying that a book about knife wounds inspired you to buy a knife. Maybe the moral of the story slipped past you on that one. Maybe you’re just not sharp enough to get the point. Ok, no more puns.
Still, I am flattered that my misadventures would inspire others to join the quest for love. I can only hope that their experiences will be better than mine. Hey, maybe this young man likes cuddling and will have much better luck than me. Anyway… more on this young man and his e-mail to me in a future post.
But if I’m being very honest, I’ve been making a lot of excuses. I’ve been playing the waiting game. “I’ll start dating again once I move.” “I’ll start dating again once I lose 20 pounds.” “I’ll start dating again once I pay off my student loans.” “I’ll start dating again once I master the art of cooking macaroni and cheese.” Well… two of those things are now either accomplished or on the very brief horizon… I’ll let you guess which two.
I was thinking about this post as I was walking from my parent’s house to the grocery store. It’s a walk I’ve made dozens of times, especially during the summer after my junior year of high school when I worked at the grocery chain. At 16-years-old, I would hear endless car horn honks as I walked the mile from my house to work, with young and old men yelling super creepy remarks out their window as they drove past. Years later, I realize how icky this is, and I am someone who absolutely advocates against shameless and inappropriate honking at women, but there’s something flattering, some very small part of you that feels pretty because of the honk. And today as I walked to the grocery store, a walk I’ve made so many times before, I heard nothing but rubber tires whirring against the asphalt. At 26-years-old, I can’t help but wonder… is it my age? my weight? Am I un-honk-able now?
And so it is in this mindset that I write this post. I have spent the past few weeks trying to think of something funny, some great re-debut to my blog that would bring people back, but I think my loyal readers will return regardless of whether this post in particular is a funny one.
I’ve spent the past few weeks also talking with a number of close friends about their views on my dating history… or lack thereof. One of my friends and mentors said, in effect, that the reason I wasn’t dating is that I scare the crap out of guys because they know I don’t put up with their bullshit. Fair enough.
Even if I haven’t had a lot to say lately, I don’t think that means that there isn’t a lot to be said, and if I’m inspiring people to act, one way or another, then I need to continue to be the voice of reason. Or the voice of something. Who knows what… but all I can say is that there’s more to come. More about insecurities and changing societal pressure. More about creepy guys and weird encounters. More about failure and loss of love… but… you know… in a funny way.
On the return walk home, a man in a Dwayne Wade jersey riding a Vespa gives his horn a little toot.
This girl’s still got it.