For a killer time, call…

Dating can be killer.

There’s some really strange guys on online dating. My favorite bad daters are the punny ones. There’s something about dad jokes that just melts my heart. There’s that guy who told me he’s not a photographer, but he can picture us together. And then there’s this guy:


Hey, he’s not my type, but he’s sort of good looking in a brooding, murdery way. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention… this guy killed and dismembered his boyfriend. But fear not ladies, he’s available!

Now, I like to see the good in all people. Some of you might remember me from when I was an intern on the Mickey, Amelia, and Spiegel morning show on 98 Rock in Baltimore back in 2011. At the time, I was writing to a young man in prison and it was the morning show host’s favorite topic of conversation.

Jared and I are still friends today; there’s something to be said about building a friendship around difficult times in one’s life. So maybe Mr. Luka Magnotta was just looking for that same sort of support and partnership when he joined online dating. After all, even killers need love. A killer who not only killed his boyfriend, but shipped his boyfriend’s body parts to schools. To SCHOOLS.

But hey, let’s not be so quick to judge. There are lots of women out there looking for a killer time. Maybe they’re looking for so much fun, they’ll lose their heads. And I’ll say this about the guy: he’s really got a lot of guts. And Luka is just looking for his “prince charming.” No, really. He actually said that in his profile.

“One who is loyal, preferably educated, financially and emotionally stable for a long term committed relationship. If you think you could be my prince charming, send me a detailed letter with at least 2 photos.”

They say beggars can’t be choosers, but apparently murderers can be! Check out this guy, wanting someone smart, rich, and fit. I want those same things, but it’s not going that well for me. Maybe my dating pool is too limited. Maybe I should be looking at serial killers or mobsters. Maybe my problem is that I didn’t use the phrase “prince charming” in my profile and I didn’t ask for a detailed letter. Maybe that’s why so many guys just send me a message that says “hi.” Maybe it’s because I wasn’t specific enough in what I wanted them to say if they replied to me. I could take a few pointers from this guy!

And Luka wants a long term committed relationship — well, it’d have to be. The guy doesn’t get out until 2037. If you were on the young end of his dating age range (about 28), you’d be 50 before you became a couple. That’s committed alright. Or maybe you just need to be committed.

So what does this say about online dating? Well first, it shows that anyone can do it. Literally, anyone. Second, maybe we should all be a little discerning about who we decide to chat with on these websites. Although if you’re writing to a guy and say, “I think we’re hitting it off! Let’s go on a date” and he says “great, meet me at Joliet Correctional Center,” hopefully that would raise a few red flags. Maybe online dating is a great opportunity to branch out and meet new people, or maybe it’s a reason to never leave the house again and to realize it’s better to be alone than to have to talk to all these creepy people.

Dammit. This guy’s going to find someone before I do, isn’t he?


One thought on “For a killer time, call…

  1. cmorrell2014 says:

    Got me laughing….again! Yep, you killed it!

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