Next.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Well the road for online dating is paved with excuses. Lots and lots of excuses.

I was having my semi-yearly pity party about how I’ll never find love. Seriously, we all have them, and you know EXACTLY what I mean.

So I decided to jump onto my online dating profile. Maybe my inbox is jam packed with all the men who want to go out with me. Maybe I have message after message about how lovely and kind and fun I sound and how they all want dates.

Oh, no? No messages? Oh… well…

I mean, maybe some new guys have joined the pool since I last looked! Maybe need to look around a bit. I like quiet, dorky, socially awkward guys! Maybe I just need to have a look around.

And that’s when the excuses start.

The thing about meeting people in real life is that differences seem fun, like no big deal, totally fine.

Online, they seem like insurmountable odds.

So I find a guy who has a 94% match rate with me. Tall, cute, nerdy. Perfect. But he’s a vegan. I can’t date a vegan! I like burgers too much. And I don’t like vegetables. Or tofu. Or sprouts. Or whatever the hell else vegans eat.

Next.

Here’s another guy… 92% match! Tall, cute, nerdy. Perfect. But he’s not really sure about religion. I can’t date a guy who doesn’t have any belief system! I mentor youth in my church, for crying out loud! How will I explain his heathen ways to the kids?! How can we get married in a church!? We won’t be able to! I’ll be excommunicated. I’ll have to get married in an alley outside a Burger King. Unless he’s vegan too! Then where will we get married!?!?!?

Next.

Here’s one: a 90% match. Tall, cute, nerdy. Perfect. But he likes to run and hike. Oh my gosh, he’s going to want me to go running with him, isn’t he? He’s going to wake me up at 5 in the morning for a quick jog before work. We’re going to have to buy matching running shorts and tennis shoes and he’s going to make me feel bad if I have to stop because I can’t run a mile, or half a mile, or a quarter of the mile, unless there’s some sort of food incentive on the other end. And he probably only eats vegetables. Or tofu. Or sprouts.

It’s too much!! TOO MUCH!!!

If I met guy A, B, or C in person, I’d probably say “oh, you’re vegan? That’s cool. What kind of stuff do you eat?” or “oh, you don’t have any strong opinions about religion? That’s cool.  What kind of stuff do you do on Sunday morning since you’re not in church?” or  “oh, you run? That’s cool. How often?” But instead, I just click the X and move on because in the realm of online dating, any difference is insurmountable, and the “right” guy who isn’t an athiest vegan runner is right around the corner…

Apparently I still have a few more corners to look around.

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3 thoughts on “Next.

  1. meaghan says:

    for the record, i married a runner and he’s never pressured me to run with him, so i haven’t. he uses it as his alone time to work through his stress.

  2. Alex says:

    I’m confused, are you saying you don’t think these guys would like you, or that you wouldn’t like them? In particular, I’m confused why you would discount the 90% match guy who likes to run, but I can actually see how dating someone outside your religion or has lots of self-imposed dietary restrictions would set yourself up for problems pretty quickly.

    The guy who likes to run would probably just as soon go by himself and enjoy the peaceful solitude, so I don’t know why that would present a problem. And if he’s anything like me, it’s not that he only eats vegetables, it’s that he runs *because* he likes to eat lots of bacon and roast beef and chocolate chip cookies.

    Most men get about a 10% response rate to our messages or less. Maybe 20-30% if we’re really lucky. And we’re told that the average woman gets 30 messages *per day*, so I’m not sure exactly what’s going on with you, except that I never send a message to anyone who hasn’t logged in for more than 2-3 weeks because I assume either they’re never going to reply anyway or they’re in a relationship and just forgot to delete their account. Plus they probably have hundreds of messages and are never going to read ours.

    Bottom line, if you sent 90% running guy a message it’s probably going to make his entire week, and make him feel like he won the jackpot.

    • Carin says:

      Haha wow Alex.. Well first, thanks for reading. I’m sorry my post confused you. The point of the post which I hoped to convey was that it’s easy for someone on online dating (like myself) to discount someone who might be a good match just because there’s some small thing which seems unappealing online, but would be most likely overlooked in person.

      As to your comments about the runner, I think I’ve addressed this in a number of previous posts, but I’m happy to discuss again. In my experience, “runners” (as a whole) often list their preference for a match as an “athletic girl,” which I am not. The number one fear of men when meeting someone from online dating is that their date will be overweight, which is also true of me (especially if you sit me next to a runner). I also notice on runners profiles that they often say they want a woman who will go hiking or running with them. With these reasons in mind, I largely do not write to runners, who I fear will judge me or be disgusted by me. I hope that brings some clarity to my post.

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