The Mensch

You may wonder why this blog has been dormant for the past few years. Did I finally find someone wonderful, settle down, and leave the world of online dating behind? Hardly. While my early 20’s were full of hope and wonder, sure as a Disney princess that my prince would come, my late 20’s have mostly been the realization that he’s probably already settled down with someone else and my eggs are slowly dying. You know, the usual.

So you’ll be glad to know that, at 29-years-old, I’m just as hopeless at dating as I was when this blog began four years ago.

Why now? What brings this blog out of retirement? The Mensch…

Before I begin the story of the Mensch, I want you to ask yourself – how do you know that someone is interested in you? Think of a few concrete examples. Have those in your mind. Now, let’s dive in.

I messaged the Mensch on OK Cupid a month-ish ago. After some pleasant chatter, I asked if he’d be interested in going out. He said yes. More pleasant chatter. I gave him my phone number. Cut to pleasant first date. Did I mind making the first moves? No – I am a confident 21st century woman. How was I to know what was to come… (dun dun dunnn)

Why do I call him the Mensch? It’s what he called himself. I mean, he has a name, but the dude described himself as a mensch probably… 5+ times over the course of the evening (and not just “a mensch,” but “a real mensch”). Now, I’m not saying he’s not a mensch, but let’s just say if I told you I’m “not a serial killer” five times over the course of an evening, you might start to wonder. One time is probably okay. Five times…

And so what is a mensch, you ask? The Google says it’s a person of integrity and honor. Someone who is responsible and admirable, someone with dignity. A gentleman. So let’s get into it…

A person of integrity and honor…

To his credit, I had a great time on my dates with the Mensch. He talked about how hard it is to find someone to connect with, like me. He talked about meeting my parents. He told me how great he thinks I am and how it’s hard to find women like me. (all signs someone is interested in you, yes?).

Someone responsible and admirable…

And then…silence. Not a text. Not a call. Not a, “let’s do it again some time.” Nothing. The Mensch could have transformed into the Bench for as communicative as he was. So these are signs he’s not interested, yes?

Except when I asked if he wanted to just part ways, his response was that he was “shocked” and “caught off guard” by my asking that and he “definitely” wanted to do something again. So… interested?

Someone with dignity…

After telling me he “definitely” wanted to see me, but then telling me he was busy every time I asked, I’d had enough. I told the Mensch I didn’t deserve to be treated like this and I was done. His reply – maybe it’s better if we don’t go out anymore.

Bro. This is like a waiter saying they’re sold out of the burger you just ordered and you say, “I think maybe I don’t want the burger.” The burger is off the menu, dude. And I know in this scenario dating me = eating a hamburger and I am totally okay with that.

He also told me he wasn’t as “aggressive” as I was about making plans. First, what is aggressive plan-making? Second, I saw him less than once a week and often went days without talking at all. Super aggressive. Third, how do you date someone without talking to them or seeing them ever? This must be some new style of dating. Will explore in a future post perhaps…

A gentleman…

So, in summary: not a man of integrity and honor, not responsible or admirable, and not a lot of dignity for Mr. Mensch.

But did he walk on the street side of me lest a runaway car hop the curb and careen into us, his fleshy cadaver taking the full brunt of the speeding vehicle before it came crashing into me? You bet your sweet ass he did. A real mensch.

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One thought on “The Mensch

  1. Mary Lacey says:

    Gee, some things never change. 😕 I had very similar experiences (repeatedly) for many years. I would go through periods of being determined to find someone to date (my ultimate goal being to find a mate). After multiple first meetings (some like this guy you met & others much, much worse), I would become discouraged. I would decide “this isn’t gonna happen so I will focus on having a happy life as a single person” & cease all dating efforts. I repeated this cycle more times than I care to admit. In the end, though, I would always try again because I wanted someone to share life with. I finally met Steve through online dating & as you know, we have been married for years (12 next month). I hope it happens much more quickly for you, but however long it takes, remember that you are refining your definition of whom you want by encountering a lot of men who clearly are whom you DON’T want. I think the currently popular mantra applies here: Nevertheless, She Persisted!

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