Tag Archives: dating

The Price of Love

There are a lot of things in my life that I would just rather pay someone to do for me than actually do it myself. Change my car’s oil. Cut my hair. Put on my shoes in the morning. You know, the usual stuff. Sometimes, I just can’t be bothered to learn how to do this shit for myself, or frankly I’ll never do it as well as someone else. That’s why the TV dinner industry exists — for people like me who subsist on crappy frozen food because I simply cannot figure out how to properly roast a chicken. Have you tried? It’s impossible.

So of course it makes TOTAL sense that when it comes to finding a mate, entrepreneurs stepped up and said “hey, people will pay for anything. Let’s make them pay to meet their husband or wife!”… and we FELL FOR IT!

So the question I want to address here is… how much is it worth to meet the woman or man of your dreams? What really is the price of love?

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Dating Offline

My parents met in graduate school. My oldest sister met her husband in college. My other sister, in some sort of Cory and Topanga bullshit, met her husband in middle school. Now that’s just not fair.

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The thing about dating in your twenties (and beyond) is, if you didn’t meet your significant other in school, then where the hell are you supposed to find them?

I’ve been talking with some single girlfriends lately and this has been the theme. We missed that brief window in our education to get our MRS degree. Instead, I wound up with a BA (two majors and a minor) and an MA…and what good is that (for matters of the heart, anyway)?! Now that university is just a memory, where do you find a suitable match?

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A tale of two sillies

Ok guys, I just can’t even right now. Seriously.

Many of you know I haven’t posted on my blog in a long time because I haven’t been dating, and it’s hard to write on a dating blog when you’re not dating. Recently, though, I decided to start casually looking on online dating sites and it all came rushing back. All the ridiculous men, the terrible matches, and the horrible, horribly, awkward, uncomfortable conversations. At first, I was horrified. And then I remembered, hey past Carin, that’s why you started that blog! If you can’t find love, you might as well have a laugh, right? So I’m back for you to all laugh in my misfortune.

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Next.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Well the road for online dating is paved with excuses. Lots and lots of excuses.

I was having my semi-yearly pity party about how I’ll never find love. Seriously, we all have them, and you know EXACTLY what I mean.

So I decided to jump onto my online dating profile. Maybe my inbox is jam packed with all the men who want to go out with me. Maybe I have message after message about how lovely and kind and fun I sound and how they all want dates.

Oh, no? No messages? Oh… well…

I mean, maybe some new guys have joined the pool since I last looked! Maybe need to look around a bit. I like quiet, dorky, socially awkward guys! Maybe I just need to have a look around.

And that’s when the excuses start.

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The Bourne Confusion

I’m a very private person (says the woman writing the blog for all the Internet to see). I don’t want men to know anything about me. I mean, I’m practically auditioning for the next Bourne movie. There were those movies with Matt Damon, and then the one with that other guy.. they’re going to keep making these movies and — eventually — they’re going to come around to me. I mean, there’s only so many people in the world willing to be in a Bourne movie. I’m liking my odds.

The point of the matter is, I don’t like men to know anything about me, which is great when you’re doing online dating. I can tell them I live somewhere different than I really live. I can tell them a completely fake name (since it’s just a username anyway). I mean, I won’t let just anybody be my Facebook friend and that’s not even people I’m trying to date. When I was an intern on a popular radio morning show in Baltimore, I got tons of Facebook friend requests. While the other interns and DJs would accept anyone who clicked the “Add Friend” button, I accepted none of them. To be my “Friend,” you have to go through a very rigorous two step process. Continue reading

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Status: Rejected.

Two posts ago, I mentioned that one of my super awesome blog followers reached out to me via e-mail, which spurred me to jump back into this blog (even though I haven’t been dating). The young man (who I’ll call Carlos) lives in South America and did something really interesting after reading my blog… he decided to join online dating.

Now why in God’s green earth someone would read this blog and decide to join online dating is beyond me, but I hear this all the time. I can only speculate why someone would join online dating after reading my blog.. and you know how much I love to speculate! Maybe you realize, after reading about all the duds I’ve met on online dating, that you won’t be the worst person out there. Maybe you realize how crazy super awesome I am and think, ‘hey, there’s probably other girls out there just as cool as Carin is!’ Maybe you think, ‘hey, I like to cuddle! It sounds like everyone on dating sites likes to cuddle. This sounds like a fool-proof way to find a cuddling partner.’

However it came about, Carlos decided eHarmony was the site for him and he took one courageous step towards the tireless quest for love. He logged into the website. He filled out the world’s longest, most ridiculous survey so he could find his one true love, his future bride. He clicked ENTER, and then… Continue reading

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It’s All About Me

I spent a lot of time on this blog analyzing online dating, analyzing the men who I come across on these sites and the messages they send me. But what about me?

I decided to do something a little different for this post and examine how exactly I went about putting together my online dating profile. Why I decided to write what I wrote, (specifically in the “text” portion, i.e. hopefully it’s obvious that I listed by height as my actual height, and my religion as my actual religion, etc.), how I chose what pictures to post, etc. Because trust me, a lot of thought actually went into these decisions. All joking aside, I joined online dating in hopes of legitimately finding someone to spend my life with and I am still looking. This blog was just a happy accident and a fun side project.

So maybe, once we dive in, you’ll have some better insight into why I’m so miserably unsuccessful.

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Happy Valentine’s Ya Filthy Animal!

Valentine’s Day is often (un)affectionately referred to as “Singles Awareness Day.” As if I wasn’t aware of my singleness the other 364 days of the year.

So this Valentine’s Day I decided to celebrate Mardi Gras. That is, until the sky decided to poop out a bunch of snow that no one expected. So, you know… that happened.

Instead, I’ve decided maybe I should spend more time being aware that I’m single. Maybe actually being single, having my Facebook status say “single,” checking all the boxes on my taxes as “single,” and having a blog about being single just isn’t enough. Maybe I should have spent more time on February 14th really pondering what it means to be single. But since February 14th passed me by, let’s make February 17th the day to reeeallly dig into singleness. Let’s make February 17th “hey, you don’t have a boy/girlfriend!” day. It can be the day when your grandparents call you and ask if you’ve found a boy/girlfriend yet and your parents can ask why you’re still single and maybe its finally time to meet their coworker’s nephew who has that weird way that they slurp when they eat, but it’s really not THAT bad. And then your friends can have double dates with each other and you can stay at home because you don’t have anyone to double date with, so instead you can drink a bottle of cheap wine by yourself and cry into a large Papa Johns pizza while you watch Pretty Woman and think, “how did that skanky prostitute end up with Richard Gere? Maybe if I sang Prince in the bathtub I’d have a boyfriend, too.” Let’s make that a holiday. It seems like it would be less depressing to do that on a “holiday” than just some random Tuesday. And let’s make that holiday start today.

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Won’t you share my glitter crayons?

Dating is hard.

It’s a constant battle of rejection. You put your heart out there like a kid with a fresh pack of glitter crayons, only to watch that mean little boy snap each one and throw it at your head. And those are no ordinary crayons. They’re glitter crayons. And snapping glitter crayons on purpose should be a crime.

So whenever I get a message from someone on an online dating site, I recognize that this is a person who is going out of his way to write to me, to hand me a glitter crayon. And sometimes, yes, I snap them. Sometimes I just kind of look at the glitter crayon and slowly walk away, hoping they don’t notice that I never actually responded to their offer. But I also try to turn down the glitter crayon with poise and grace. Except that no one has ever described me as poised nor graceful. At least, not anyone who knows me.

But sometimes I get a glitter crayon from someone who so clearly should not be sharing their glitter crayons with me that I wonder, what are you doing? Are you just handing crayons to all the girls in class? Or are you just a terrible judge of character and you’re handing it to girls who you know will not only snap your crayons, but stomp on them and turn them into waxy flakes, rubbing the shimmery paste into the pre-school carpet.

So sometimes I get messages and think, “why me? In what world is this a good match?” And, more shockingly, sometimes OK Cupid is on the same page as the glitter crayon guy. Sometimes OK Cupid is like, “Yeah, you guys would be GREAT together. This is the best match I’ve ever made!” Except it’s not. And if you ever spend two minutes reading through the Questions section, you would know why,

This is a story of just such a guy.

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Oh hey. I didn’t see you there.

I have a love/hate relationship with this blog.

I love to post here and see all of your comments and likes. Conversely, I really have begun to hate the actual online dating part. And that’s the only way I can account for my second hiatus from writing here.

Every now and then, I have these grand ideas of “research” projects I can do on online dating sites. I can respond to creepy people and see what they say, and then blog about it. I can write a message to literally every single person I come across, and then blog about it. The problem lies in the fact that this usually ends up creeping me out immensely. I can hear my mom’s terrifying childhood lesson about stranger danger, and not talking to strangers, and not getting into vans with strangers, and not taking candy from strangers (oh God, what kind of neighborhood did I live in!?).

Enter: Hank. (I don’t actually know his name, but I’m going with Hank)

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