Tag Archives: ok cupid

A tale of two sillies

Ok guys, I just can’t even right now. Seriously.

Many of you know I haven’t posted on my blog in a long time because I haven’t been dating, and it’s hard to write on a dating blog when you’re not dating. Recently, though, I decided to start casually looking on online dating sites and it all came rushing back. All the ridiculous men, the terrible matches, and the horrible, horribly, awkward, uncomfortable conversations. At first, I was horrified. And then I remembered, hey past Carin, that’s why you started that blog! If you can’t find love, you might as well have a laugh, right? So I’m back for you to all laugh in my misfortune.

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So fresh and so clean

Finding a match online with a high compatibility percentage is all about the questions you answer. On OK Cupid, those questions range from super important, to completely asinine. And yet, all of these questions add up to how well matched you are with every man on online dating. You answer the question yourself, and then say which answers would be acceptable for your partner to say. If your partner answers these questions “wrong” (according to you), it brings down your online dating percentage.

When it comes to answering these online dating questions, there is one question that every man I’ve come across has marked my answer as inexcusable, undesirable, and all-around terrible. When I find a man whose match percentage is in the high 90s, I just know the thing holding us back from a perfect 100 is this question, this horrible confession I have uncovered on my online dating profile. The red, blaring letters look back at me from the computer screen, screaming “unacceptable answer!” No man wants a woman who answers this question in this manner. This question with an incredibly high level of importance. So awful is my answer that I have never yet found a man who has viewed my answer as even slightly satisfactory.

Well!? What is it?

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The Top 10 OK Cupid Questions

If you’ve never been on OK Cupid, basically, it’s an online dating site that shows you just about everybody who lives within a 5,000 mile radius of where you live.  I mean, I can’t think of a better way to describe it, since I’m actually matched with people from Alaska. True story.

But after they show you every living male in the continental United States, they give you a little percentage next to their username. That percentage is how well matched you are with that person. How well you’d get along. How much you have in common.

So how do they get that percentage? Well, you have to answer questions from a looooong list.  You can skip them if you want. You can answer a few or a lot. The more you answer, the better you can be matched.

But as I’ve been going through these questions, I’ve had the pleasure of coming upon several questions that were so wonderfully awful, hilarious, or stupid, that I would just love to meet the person who comes up with them. So I’ve decided to compile a list of my personal top 10 favorite questions on OK Cupid.

Click Here To See The List!

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The Chore Of Dating

This is a lesson I’m coming to grasp more and more.

Now before you jump on my back, I’ve already heard it all: Like what?

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Baby we were born to run (but not together)

Guys like athletic girls.

I get it.

That’s why Sporty Spice was the most popular of the Spice Girls (wait… that can’t be right).

But the point is, if I had a nickle for every time a guy said he wants to date a girl who is sporty, athletic, enjoys being “healthy,” physically fit, toned, etc. etc. etc… I’d have like at least 5 whole dollars.  And do you know what I’d do with that $5?  Go buy a burrito.

Where’s the beef?

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eHarmony vs. Match vs. OK Cupid: A Face-off

If you’re a reader of my blog, you know I dabble in three main online dating sites: eHarmony, Match, and OK Cupid.

And while they’re all websites for dating online (see what I did there?), all online dating sites are NOT created equal.

So if you’re taking the plunge, then continue forward, because this is priceless insight and copious quantities of invaluable information.  What really is the difference between these online dating sites?

Onward!

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One of these things is not like the other…

When we were growing up, our moms told us we were precious jewels. Grains of sand, or snowflakes — completely unique and unlike anything that has ever come before it.  Nothing will measure up to our beauty, our intellect, our wit. We are magnificent, wonderful, amazing people who are completely our own.

Then came along online dating, which tells you you’re exactly like everyone else.

This is how I know: How? How do you know?

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The Ugly Duck Theory

I have no clue what makes us attracted to the people we find ourselves attracted to.  I’m sure there must be studies, but to me, it’s a total mystery.  Why, for example, are all my friends super stoked about Adam Levine (who I think is a total dud), and instead I’m all gaga over this idiot:

Matthew Gray Gubler

Matthew Gray Gubler

That’s right — Dr. Reid from Criminal Minds.  Every little nerdy, socially awkward, gangly, uncomfortable bit of him.

So as I delve into the world of online dating, I started to ask myself why I still respond to messages from hunky, muscly guys who take shirtless pictures of themselves in all their tattooed glory.  And I came up with a theory.

But first… let’s rewind.

Are you Quentin Tarentino-ing this?

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You’re beautiful, it’s true…

In online dating, it’s often assumed that you actually want to see what the person looks like. Silly concept, right?  But this is why when I see that terrifying grayed out silhouette of a man’s profile appear next to the name John or Gary or Charizard, I delete it. Immediately (if not sooner). I don’t know what this person looks like. What are you hiding from me?  What do you have going on that I don’t know about?

So pictures — very important. They say a lot about you.

For instance, if a guy pretty much exclusively has selfies of himself, I think, “dude, why don’t you have any friends who could take a picture of you?”

If a guy has a bunch of pictures where he’s showing off his abs, or he’s shirtless, or he’s flexing, I think, “great, you’re a self-obsessed meat-head who is going to give me a hard time when I’m eating my third pint of Haagen Dazs Peanut Butter Pie.” Are there more types of pictures? You betcha!

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The Elephant In The Room

Over the past 12 days, I have received multiple e-mails, Facebook messages, and carrier pigeons all presenting me with the same link.  It’s a link to another blog post that talks about online dating.  Now c’mon people, don’t you know you should only be reading my blog about online dating? Sheesh!

But given the sheer number of you who clearly want me to discuss this article, I thought it was fine time that I give the people what they want.  So without any further ado… Go on…

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